Breathe Through Your Nose
Do any of us really stop to breathe? A real breath — the type of breath that envelopes your body, nourishes your soul and makes you look at the world differently?
I started breathing like this for the first time when I was in Amazon, for 2.5 months this past winter. In the jungle, and with a shaman and soul family who were definitely called into my life to wake me up.
For someone who had not even had been so much as camping, being in the jungle was so far from reality, as known to me — no wifi, no cell phones, no emails, no calendars, no banking. Instead there were snakes, jaguars, lizards, ants, poisonous frogs and other creatures I cared to not acknowledge. And spiders. (As I am writing this I still have more than 100 spider bites on my body.) It was clear that I was the intruder in their jungle.
Every time I was afraid, I was lucky enough to have the Shaman remind me to just breathe. Just breathe! Breathe through your nose! Trust yourself. You have everything you need. You are safe. I mocked these reminders rudely, many times out loud, and more times in my head. As if breathing through my nose was going to do anything in the face of all of the strange and scary things in the jungle.
And then the perfect moment arose, when I didn’t have a choice.
I found myself alone, in the dark, with no one close enough to comfort me. This reality was my creation; ego, judgement, entitlement, arrogance, a stubborn refusal to listen, insane pent up energy, and attitude got me there. Funny how being pushed out of your comfort zone can turn one into a monster. No one could be around me, literally.
My monster got what she deserved. To have her ass left alone for her to figure her way out. Everything around her looked devious and sinister in the dark — from the snake-like tree branches, to the branch-like snakes, to the simple scary silence in the darkness. The poisonous frogs seemed to get louder, inching closer, and every little creature was screaming at my monster, ants biting at her ankles.
It was cold and she was shaking. She pulled her hair, and screamed at the top of her lungs and screamed, and screamed and screamed. No one was coming. She turned to manipulation — cried, threatened, even begged. She played victim and martyr.
Then a thought popped into my mind, gentle as the breeze, as if it was trying to tell me something. What is it? What the hell is this? Just breathe! Breathe through your nose. Trust yourself. You have everything you need. You are safe.
So I closed my eyes and did just that. I took a deep breath and closed my eyes. I did it again and again until my heart and breath were in harmony. I kept breathing and breathing until the branches looked like branches again. The snakes disappeared. The creatures stopped screaming, and were now singing. The frogs joined in on the symphony. My breath and heart were part of the symphony. It was magnificent. Whoever designed all of this was an artist, a musician and a dreamer. Whoever designed all of this was great. GOAT.
I looked at my monster and spoke to her. Who the hell are you? Where the hell did you come from? You don’t even belong to me. Get over yourself. Thank you and I don’t need you anymore. Go away.
I opened my eyes and found the shaman nearby. He brought over a blanket and sat with me for a bit. He told me to look up at the stars. I started to sob. It was the most beautiful thing. I never stopped and look at the stars. I never stopped to appreciate anything. I never stopped to be in silence. I never stopped to just breathe.
I asked him why he came back, his reply came with a simple and knowing grin, Well, you asked for help. It hit me like a ton of bricks: I never ask for help, I never give myself permission to. I really had everything I needed the entire time. I was safe. Humble pie tastes better than crow.
I woke up. I knew then and know now, that this was just the beginning.
Its time for us all to wake up and see the drop from the ocean.
We spend so much time in ego, anger and destruction. The planet is sick, we are ill, how we treat each other is despicable and freak shows like outrageous elections, “reality” tv, and ego distract us from our respective callings. Our monsters prevent us from just breathing. It prevents us from revelling in the magnanimity of the beauty that surrounds us.
Its time to step into what we were originally designed for — love, compassion, joy, and to serve humanity. Whether or not you believe in the Great Designer, or higher power, or energy, or whatever you chose to call it, we all know to be true that there is more at play than this existence if we take a step back and just breathe. We all know it. It is sitting right under our noses.
